Submitting to our Husbands

~Erin Blair

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:21-22

Have you ever really studied your husband? I mean REALLY studied him? Do you know what turns his cranks? What makes him encouraged, discouraged, what makes him feel like superman? What about his biggest fear or biggest success? Dreams, goals, worries?  Are we truly students of our husbands? I don’t mean students in the idea of him teaching us something, although that happens quite often (at least in my home!). I mean students more in the way that Thomas Edison was a student of science. He ate, breathed, lived science and was always trying to figure it out.  Do we have that kind of focus on our husbands?

First, let’s take verse 21 of Ephesians 5.  We are told to submit to one another. What does this mean? We are to “put ourselves under” others, “…not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” (Phil. 2:4)  We are to put other’s needs above and ahead of our own. We are to bless, love, and serve others above ourselves.  After all, servanthood is to be a key part of our lives just as it was Christ’s (Mark 10:45).  Submission is about laying down one’s life and serving others – even if there is nothing quite simple about that. It is something we need to do every day. It is an attitude of living to bless another person.

Wives are asked to be more specific – to submit to our own husbands. If you notice in the latter part of verse 22, it says, “…as unto the Lord.” How do we submit to the Lord? First we have to know who He is! We need to study God and learn about him in order to know how He wants us to submit, or serve, Him. It is the same way with our husbands, as the previous part of verse 22 states. While we may submit and serve everyone, we are commanded (yes, commanded) to specifically submit to our husbands. Sure, we may buy a cup of coffee for a friend, help out a co-worker with meeting a deadline, take food to those who are sick, and the list could go on and on. But we are commanded to intentional about serving our husbands. We are to be intentional in our service and submission to our husbands.

To me, this means making a plan. For those of you who know me even the slightest bit, you know I love making plans. I have to have a plan for the day, for the week, or for the weekend. I need things lined out and organized. But as I am looking at my goals or to-do’s for the week, one of the first things I am trying to train myself to ask, or plan for, is: “How can I be a help to Jordan this week?”  What does he have going this week that could be a stressor for him, and how can I help reduce his stress? What are his goals, and how can I help him meet them?

I admit, sometimes I don’t know what my sweet husband has on his plate this week, so I don’t know the answers to those questions. I really should, though. Of all the people on the face of this earth, the one I am called first and foremost to serve (after God of course) – before any children, before my boss, before my parents even – is my husband.

This, though, doesn’t mean we are just to be friends with our husband. Wait! That is all good and great, and I will be the first to admit my husband is my best friend and most favorite person on the planet. But what I mean is that being “friends” and laughing together and watching a movie together doesn’t mean you serve him.  We need to be proactive in our pursuit of our husbands. Again, like Thomas Edison, study them.  Pay attention to what is happening in his life.  Get excited about the things that excite him. Think actively about ways to help him and bless him and serve him.

We are to be our husband’s biggest cheerleaders and the “helpmeet” or ally to come alongside him and help him.  We can’t do that if we only get around to thinking about him once the kids are asleep, or the dishes are done, or the laundry is all folded and put away.  We need to pay attention to our husband.  This also means getting our eyes off ourselves and our own interests, and thinking about him. 

Erin resides in Ben Wheeler TX with her husband, Jordan who preaches for the Lord's church. They are awaiting the birth of their first child, Judah Rae. Erin has always been involved with fortifying and broadening the borders of the Kingdom. She has taught all ages of Bibles classes, helped prepare and organize Ladies Days, Prom Alternatives, Youth Rallies and VBS. She is currently works as a paralegal for a law firm. She and her husband also spend their time enjoying their garden, dogs, rabbits, chickens, ducks, quail…etc. Life is never dull at her house!

From one Naomi (Mother-in- law) to Another

~Tracy Frederick 

We were the parents of an only child. The Lord was good to us and blessed us with a sweetest, and headstrong little girl. The delivery was a breeze. But, I must admit that motherhood wasn’t so easy for me. I was nervous, afraid that I would be a failure and that I wouldn’t know what to do. So, we determined to follow our heavenly Father’s example. We figured it out and watched her grow into a godly young woman. But we knew that one day that day would come. You know…THAT day. That day when she would leave us to make her own home. So, in preparation, we taught her the godly priorities for choosing a mate. We knew that she would be the helpmeet for the rest of her life so it was imperative she choose a godly man, and we were fierce about it! But, nothing prepared me for when we realized THAT day was upon us. The day when she had found THAT man. We knew he would be a good spiritual leader of her home, as God intended. He was raised that way by a dear brother and sister in the faith and God was at the center of their home. We felt confident that he would never place our daughter above His God so it made THAT day easier. 

But, that meant I would be a mother-in-law. I had never been one before and I wanted to be a good one. So, again I was nervous. I remember immediately mentally thumbing through the Bible and trying to recall God’s instruction about: “How to be a Good Mother-in-law.” I drew a blank! I started noticing how mother-in-laws around me behaved. Some even offered me advice, but it didn’t make sense to me- not godly sense. So, I contacted some sisters in the faith and asked their advice. They all assured me that I would be fine, but I still needed help.

So, back to the word I went. I looked and looked…I read about Jethro in Exodus, Moses’ father-in-law, a great father-in-law, but he wasn’t a mother-in-law. I read about the terrible relationship that Rebekka had with her daughter-in- laws in Genesis 27. That made me more nervous. I became frustrated when it seemed to me that God was not offering me direction in His word as to how to be a good mother-in-law. The Bible is designed to offer instruction on everything (II Timothy 3:16), every part of our lives: how to worship…how to be good stewards of the gifts our Father has given us…how to be a good brother, parents, etc. So, where was the mother in law? Then it hit me--we focus primarily on how Ruth takes care of her mother in law, we talk about the relationship between Ruth and Boaz and we discuss the obligations that a daughter in law has to her mother in law, but I haven’t heard us teach about being a good mother in law…being a Naomi, the most famous mother-in-law in the Bible. It seems that we forget about Naomi’s role as a mother.

Notice Ruth chapter 2 verse 19-20: And her mother in law said unto her, Where have you gleaned today? And where did you work? Blessed be he that took notice of you. And she told her mother in law with whom she had worked, and said, The man's name with whom I worked today is Boaz. And Naomi said to her, Blessed be he of the Lord, who has not forsaken his kindness to the living and to the dead. And Naomi said unto her, This man is a relation of ours, one of our closest relatives.

And we probably all know the rest of the story- Ruth and Boaz married and Naomi became a mother-in-law….again. I realized that Ruth had been a daughter to her. She had cared for her and provided for her. She knew that by Ruth finding a mate that Ruth would have to put her husband, Boaz, above her. But, she rejoiced when Ruth became Boaz’s wife. Interesting isn’t it? It wasn’t about her.

So, I thought maybe I am looking at this in as a mother, or in the wrong way. So I went all the way back to the beginning and reread Genesis 2 verses 22-24 and I paid particular attention to the last part of verse 24, but this time I read it as a mother-in-law: “ a man shall leave his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

I reread Ephesians 5:22-33 as if it is instruction for a mother-in-law. I saw that God is very clear about the marriage relationship and there isn’t one mention of a mother-in-law. Nothing in the Bible that reflected what I was seeing around me- mothers asking daughters to remain faithful to them, serve them, remain loyal to them…even over their husbands and families.

So, I came to the following conclusions regarding what God tells me is my role, or place in my daughter’s life as a mother-in-law:

First, God tells me in I Corinthians 11: 3 that my role is to teach my daughter to put her husband above me. It is my duty to my God, and to my daughter to support her husband as the head of her home.

Second, Colossians 3: 18-19 instructs me that my role is to be in subjection. The Lord authorized my son-in-law to be the head of my daughter’s home and when I am in his home I am in subjection to him as well as my husband.

It really wasn’t as complicated as I thought. I realized that the absence of instruction was my instruction.

When I began my journey as a mother-in-law almost six years ago and I was nervous. I knew the reputation of meddlesome mother-in-laws and I knew THAT wasn’t God’s plan. I wonder how we got there and think that maybe some of us mother-in-laws may not be looking at our role in the same way that God does. I think that many of us may see ourselves still as mothers first and you know, we’re not THAT kind of mother any longer. That part of our job is over. Our role is different, just as important, but different. Titus 2: 3-5 helps us understand that. You see, our sweet little girl was raised to follow God and His design for marriage and I see that my job is to do the same…because in God’s eyes, she is no longer “our daughter”. God sees her as my sweet sister in Christ first and next He sees her as Mrs. Blair, my sweet son-in-law’s wife. And me? Well, I get to be his mother-in-law. It is that simple…and that wonderful.

Gross out Your Kids!!

~Erin Blair

For those of you who do not know, I am pregnant with our first child who is due in August. This was unplanned for as many of you know, we are planning to adopt. But nevertheless, we are excited to welcome this new blessing into our lives and couldn’t be happier. But, as we plan and prepare and discuss how to raise this child, there is something we keep coming back to: we plan to “gross out” our children.

It’s a cute, funny scene whenever mommy and daddy hug or give a quick peck on the lips, the kids immediately exclaim: “Ewwwww! That’s gross!” And oftentimes, it seems to me at least, parents shy away from PDA in front of the kids because they don’t want to gross them out, make them uncomfortable, or “scar” them. This lack of PDA then can lead to a lack of affection even in private.

When we show affection towards our husbands in front of the kids (and of course I’m talking PG rated affection), we illustrate Song of Solomon 1:2, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—For your love is better than wine.” We show our kids how important their father is to us and how much we love him. There is deep security in children knowing their mommy and daddy love each other deeply, especially in an age where divorce is commonplace. I remember when I was a child and all my friend’s parents were divorced; I was scared mine would. But, when I saw my parents hug or kiss, or my dad take care to pull a splinter of glass out of my mom’s foot, it assured me that they would not because they loved each other. 

We also need to remember 1 Corinthians 7:5, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Do not deprive yourselves in front of your kids! Show them that mommy and daddy delight in one another (Song of Solomon 4) and still show their love physically. It will also show your children how a marriage should be – loving, caring and fun! They will remember how their mom and dad kissed, hugged and held one another when it is time for them to find a spouse. If it grosses them out when they are three, they’ll get over it by the time they are six because that is the norm! That’s what mommy and daddy’s do! 

So, be great parents, gross out your kids! Show them what a good, healthy, rock-solid, fun Christian marriage is! They will have precious memories of their parents love when they are older and realize it wasn’t really so gross.

Erin resides in Ben Wheeler TX with her husband, Jordan. Erin has been involved with preparing and organizing the work of the church since she was a teenager by teaching all ages of Bibles classes, helping prepare and organize Ladies Days, Prom Alternatives, Youth Rallies and VBS.  She is currently works as a paralegal for a law firm. She and her husband also spend their time enjoying their garden, dogs, rabbits, chickens, ducks, quail…etc.  Life is never dull at her house. 

Living in Reality

~ Erin Blair

My husband and I were having an interesting discussion the other day (which we tend to have quite often). We were talking about why Christ said in Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that whosoever looks at a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her in his heart.” We have read and heard lessons on this verse countless times in our lives. But what if God, and therefore Christ, were also making another point besides desiring something that isn’t ours to have?

The popularity of films and books like 50 Shades of Grey, Twilight and countless other “romance” novels is fairly simple I believe. Why do women fawn over characters like Christian Grey or Edward Cullen or –fill in the blank with whatever romantic character you wish-? These characters are fictional and therefore written to be “perfect.” It is an escape to a reality where their husband’s imperfections don’t exist.

It’s a matter of reality.

My husband pointed out in our discussion of Matthew 5:28 that when someone, man or woman, “lusts after” or desires another man or woman, they don’t see their flaws, their imperfections. They don’t see their bed head, or the hamper full of dirty clothes or the sink of dirty dishes. They see what they want to see – a “perfect” person. This isn’t real. No one is perfect.

God knows the danger of living in a reality that is not true real. If our minds are off in “la-la land,” dreaming about the handsome stranger we saw across the restaurant, or our minds are filled with thoughts of being rescued and romanced by a Fabio-esque hero, our minds our not on our husbands and not on God.

I know of women who got so engrossed in their fantasies that they neglected their duties as a Christian, as a wife, and as a mother. Their relationship with their family suffered, sometimes beyond repair. And most importantly, their relationship with God suffered. 

God knows how living apart mentally from our spouse can damage our relationship and how it can damage our relationship with Him. God has blessed us (James 1:17) so why would we want to any other reality?

Erin resides in Ben Wheeler TX with her husband, Jordan. Erin has been involved with preparing and organizing the work of the church since she was a teenager by teaching all ages of Bibles classes, helping prepare and organize Ladies Days, Prom Alternatives, Youth Rallies and VBS.  She is currently works as a paralegal for a law firm. She and her husband also spend their time enjoying their garden, dogs, rabbits, chickens, ducks, quail…etc.  Life is never dull at her house. 

Truly “Knowing” Your Spouse

~Erin Blair 

Lately I’ve been on a kick. Some of you may laugh or snicker at this, but my kick has been a study of the relationship between the husband and wife as God designed the marriage. As I read through the Word, I am amazed time and time again how God planned the marriage and the beauty of that institution. But as I was reading about the first marriage, Adam and Eve, something stuck out to me.

“And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.” – Genesis 4:1

Whenever I read this verse as a child I giggled to myself, immaturely, and thought, “Yeah Adam ‘knew’ her!” I thought it was funny because the Bible used the word “knew” rather than the word “sex.” This obviously meant that the writer of Genesis was embarrassed to say the word “sex”, right?
But as I grew older and more mature, I thought “wait just a second! What if something else was going on?”

In Psalm 139 David says “O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me…” This is David saying God has known him, has known us. “But what is the big deal about this verse and how does it relate to my topic of knowing your spouse?” you are probably asking. Let me explain…

If you go into the Hebrew, you notice that the word “known” or “know” in Psalm 139:1 is the Hebrew word yadà which means “to know properly, to ascertain by seeing, observation, care.” Basically knowing ones needs and caring for them.

Now go back to Genesis 4:1 and read that verse again. The word “knew” also translates to yadà. It’s the same word! This means Adam knew Eve in the sense of knowing her emotionally, mentally, physically, and also provided for her and cared for her in the highest sense. There was a deep, loving connection between the first husband and wife.

I think this is what God planned for when he instituted marriage – for husband and wife to truly know and love one another deeply and on many levels. Think about it: in marriage we bare ourselves to another human being in many different ways. Our husbands have seen us bared physically. They have seen us bared emotionally and have seen us bared spiritually as we worship God together and study His Word and are deep in prayer. With our husbands, we can be venerable.

God created people with a desperate longing for a relationship (Gen. 2:18,20,24). We long to know and be known, and in that knowing to be accepted. God gave us this drive to know Him and be known by Him, but He also gave us this desire to know another human being – to truly know our husbands.

But what does it mean to truly know your spouse? Well, take a look at the word yadà. It means to be connected to your spouse in a deep, meaningful way that no one else does. It means to know them not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Do you truly know what makes your husband “tick”? Can you read his expression to know when he’s had a bad day at work or is stressed and under pressure? Can you talk with him and discuss more than just how the kids are doing and how your day was or what he wants for supper? Can you allow yourself to let him know all the flaws and insecurities you have and can you help support and encourage him as he shows you his?

Can you truly repeat the words said in Song of Solomon 5:16 “This is my beloved, and this is my friend…”?

Erin resides in Ben Wheeler Tx with her husband, Jordan. Erin has been involved with preparing and organizing the work of the church since she was a teenager by teaching all ages of Bibles classes, helping prepare and organize Ladies Days, Prom Alternatives, Youth Rallies and VBS.  She is currently works as a paralegal for a law firm. She and her husband also spend their time enjoying their garden, dogs, rabbits, chickens, ducks, quail…etc.  Life is never dull at her house. 

Picking Your Battles

~Tracy Frederick

One of the most valuable pieces of advice I received as a young mother was: “pick your battles.” The person who gave me that advice would never know that it became critical to how I parented, but probably not in the way the advice was given. She was offering me advice to just “give in” at times and to “not make the small things too much,” because there will be times when I will need the” nuclear war-heads” and if they are all used on the small battles, none will be left for the larger ones. I considered this advice well. You see, all who met our daughter realized pretty quickly that she was what some call a “strong-willed child.” I had some battles ahead for sure. But, I also knew that the battles I had ahead of me weren’t the important ones that that she meant. I thought a lot about that advice and my two year old. I panicked. I realized I did have a battle ahead of me a REAL battle,  a spiritual one, one that would never end for her, and the training had to begin, and begin NOW.

“…your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” I Peter 5:8.

My Father had already cared enough about our sweet little girl, our only child, to give His only child to die for her. He also cared enough for her to offer me the help I needed to arm her for the worst adversary of her life…never stop…never ever stop….ever…ever stop fighting for your child.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength… “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.   You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. “ Deut 6: 4-8

My Father entrusted us with a sweet little soul. My job was to train her while she was entrusted to me and eventually give her back to her heavenly Father to enjoy His eternal comfort. My job was to not mess it up. My job then was to fight for her, and my job was to train her (Prov 22:6) for the biggest enemy she would ever face. My job was to fill her arsenal with supplies and weapons for the war she would have to face on her own, when I was no longer around to fight for her, or hold her hand when she was all alone with no one to “cover her back.” I wouldn’t be there at the scariest time of.  It was exhausting. Did I want to just let a battle go by once in a while? Did I sometimes consider that a “loss” in a battle could be “made up” later? Oh yeah. Would there be times when she would break the training? Sure. Are there times when she would make the wrong choices? I am sure of it.  But when I looked in those sweet bright blue eyes, eyes, I knew I could never give up, she needed me. Her enemy was watching and waiting to snag her….to destroy her. The battle will never go away and the enemy will never stop trying to destroy her….never. She needed me at two to protect her. I needed to train her at two so she could stand strong in her battle at twenty-two.

A Proper Education

~ Nancy Goring

Our country talks a lot about education. Without educational institutions, we would have real problems. Not everyone could school their children at home although homeschooling is a reasonable and admirable way of educating our children. One of the many problems we often hear about is, "dummying down the kids." For those who keep up with the media and other means of staying on top of those things applicable to the education field, it simply means that we are not doing what it takes to truly educate our children. For example, "teaching to the test," so that the kids will score highly and schools will receive their full funding. Another way would be lower our expectations and set guidelines, choose textbooks that were easier to understand. All of this would be done so that our children look better, whether they are truly being taught what is necessary for them to succeed and learn. I don't know how much of this is true, as I am not a full-time teacher in a classroom everyday observing what is taking place, so I have no way of knowing, and also every school district is not the same.

This is not an article about public education, but after hearing some of the remarks mentioned above, I was reminded of a young preacher who approached me one evening and asked me if I thought the children were getting the education they needed in our Bible classes. It sort of made me stop and think, as his opinion was that we do not challenge our kiddos nearly enough. He stated that many parents complained that their children were given too much memorization work in Bible classes and that the teachers expected way too much out of them. He found this to be very discouraging. I had to admit that I probably had not made the effort to challenge my students in Bible class, only requiring one Bible verse to be memorized each quarter. So......after much thinking I set out to make sure that I was not "dummying down" our young people in our Bible classes. Much to my surprise, when I started giving assignments in various forms, the kids were ready not only to receive them, but even gave suggestions as to what they would like to accomplish themselves! It gave me pause....what had I been thinking? How many opportunities had I missed? And how much time had been wasted! So I got busy and had them help me design different things they might like to do to help increase their Bible knowledge. They were so pleased with themselves when they finished a project and they were learning.

The point of all this is to say, let's take advantage of the 30-40 minutes we have on Sunday morning and Wednesday night and make sure we are giving our young folks what they need. They are capable of understanding the King James Version or ASV - they don't need modern versions to clarify if we are discussing things in class. Let them use a Bible Encyclopedia or Concordance or Dictionary to assist, if needed. They will need to learn how to use these tools. Encourage them to ask questions, define words, let them look up Bible lands and make maps at home and bring them to class to share. Do reports on Bible characters, letting them choose their favorite one. And by all means, be sure to involve the parents and encourage the kids to get the parents to work with them at home. Learning is contagious and it will spur Bible studies at home as a family! There is so much we can do to help them learn. Have fun with it and make it fun for them. Learning should be fun, especially when it involves our souls. The preacher said, "Remember thy Creator in the days of thy youth...." These are great times of learning and filling our hearts with God's Word. Let's do all we can to give them as much as they are capable of handling so that when they grow older they will have a strong foundation.

Nancy is the wife of Bill Goring, who serves as a gospel preacher and elder for the Chipman Road church of Christ in Lee’s Summit, Missouri. She has 4 children, 11 grandchildren and has taught Bible class for over 40 years, speaks at Ladies Day gatherings and has published several books including: Behavior Becoming Holiness: Studies in Titus Chapter 2 and Overcoming our Self-Imposed Prisons.

It is Never too Early...but Will be Too Late

~Tracy Frederick

 

I looked across the room at the faces of the two young mothers with their Bibles open, eager to soak in the word of God. They have great hearts for the Lord, but I could see they were a little weary. I recalled those years of juggling a child, chores, church work and a full time job. I felt constantly overwhelmed and tired. But, mostly I remember I felt guilty…all of the time. I struggled trying to ...figure out how I would carve out time to do the work of my Father while taking care of my family and other obligations. I admit that wasn’t too bright. It took me a while to realize that I didn’t have to choose. Rather than finding more time for ME to visit the elderly, or widows and widowers, prepare classroom visual aids, etc. if I included my daughter. Rather than seeing serving the Lord as separate from my family, it could become a part of who we were as a family. It became a special time for my daughter when we baked cookies to take to some elderly folks, or soup for a person who was ill. Our Lord tells us to train up our children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6) and to train our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph 6:4). I admit that I allowed my feelings of worldly obligations to blind me to the training opportunity I had with my child. No one can do everything, our Lord allows us to choose what is best for us at the time in His service. Now, the weekend is upon us and it is time for family and fun. I must say that I wouldn’t trade the memories of my little daughter and I sitting on the front porch of the home of a sweet elderly couple while sharing chocolate chip cookies we had baked that morning. These memories are even more special to me now, 15 years later, when she calls and asks for a certain recipe because she knows someone is sick or in mourning and it would comfort them. Yes, sisters, training can never start too early, not when we are training for a lifetime of service. But, some day, it may be too late.

More than a Toy

~Tracy Frederick

 

I stopped by one of our dollar stores on December 28th looking around for Bible class take home ideas and I couldn’t help overhearing the only other customers. Mom and grandma were searching for something specific while a young man of about 10 scrutinized the toys. At each toy inspection he YELLED across the store to his mother that he “needed” a toy-whichever one he was testing out at the time. I... can only imagine the amount of toys the young man must have received on Christmas to cause such a reaction of selfishness and gluttony. At one point I came face to face with the mother, who was pushing a cart with a little girl who was also grabbing for toys as her mother tried to navigate the aisles. I looked into her weary eyes as we met. She looked up at me, embarrassed but shrugged as if to say, “What can you do?" as her son yelled out another demand. I thought about how this little boy has already learned the lesson of ingratitude, selfishness, excess and self pride. He has already learned to focus on the material. I immediately thought of beautiful babies that will bound into the church building on Sunday and Wednesday evening excited for Bible class. They will be taught there that the Lord must be first in our lives. I prayed that they are taught all gifts come from the Father and their Creator, not their parents or grandparents. I prayed that they know God made it possible, not Santa. I also prayed for that family and the little boy. It was a gentle reminder: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever” I John 2: 15-17.