Truly “Knowing” Your Spouse

~Erin Blair 

Lately I’ve been on a kick. Some of you may laugh or snicker at this, but my kick has been a study of the relationship between the husband and wife as God designed the marriage. As I read through the Word, I am amazed time and time again how God planned the marriage and the beauty of that institution. But as I was reading about the first marriage, Adam and Eve, something stuck out to me.

“And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord.” – Genesis 4:1

Whenever I read this verse as a child I giggled to myself, immaturely, and thought, “Yeah Adam ‘knew’ her!” I thought it was funny because the Bible used the word “knew” rather than the word “sex.” This obviously meant that the writer of Genesis was embarrassed to say the word “sex”, right?
But as I grew older and more mature, I thought “wait just a second! What if something else was going on?”

In Psalm 139 David says “O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me…” This is David saying God has known him, has known us. “But what is the big deal about this verse and how does it relate to my topic of knowing your spouse?” you are probably asking. Let me explain…

If you go into the Hebrew, you notice that the word “known” or “know” in Psalm 139:1 is the Hebrew word yadà which means “to know properly, to ascertain by seeing, observation, care.” Basically knowing ones needs and caring for them.

Now go back to Genesis 4:1 and read that verse again. The word “knew” also translates to yadà. It’s the same word! This means Adam knew Eve in the sense of knowing her emotionally, mentally, physically, and also provided for her and cared for her in the highest sense. There was a deep, loving connection between the first husband and wife.

I think this is what God planned for when he instituted marriage – for husband and wife to truly know and love one another deeply and on many levels. Think about it: in marriage we bare ourselves to another human being in many different ways. Our husbands have seen us bared physically. They have seen us bared emotionally and have seen us bared spiritually as we worship God together and study His Word and are deep in prayer. With our husbands, we can be venerable.

God created people with a desperate longing for a relationship (Gen. 2:18,20,24). We long to know and be known, and in that knowing to be accepted. God gave us this drive to know Him and be known by Him, but He also gave us this desire to know another human being – to truly know our husbands.

But what does it mean to truly know your spouse? Well, take a look at the word yadà. It means to be connected to your spouse in a deep, meaningful way that no one else does. It means to know them not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Do you truly know what makes your husband “tick”? Can you read his expression to know when he’s had a bad day at work or is stressed and under pressure? Can you talk with him and discuss more than just how the kids are doing and how your day was or what he wants for supper? Can you allow yourself to let him know all the flaws and insecurities you have and can you help support and encourage him as he shows you his?

Can you truly repeat the words said in Song of Solomon 5:16 “This is my beloved, and this is my friend…”?

Erin resides in Ben Wheeler Tx with her husband, Jordan. Erin has been involved with preparing and organizing the work of the church since she was a teenager by teaching all ages of Bibles classes, helping prepare and organize Ladies Days, Prom Alternatives, Youth Rallies and VBS.  She is currently works as a paralegal for a law firm. She and her husband also spend their time enjoying their garden, dogs, rabbits, chickens, ducks, quail…etc.  Life is never dull at her house.