Wednesday, August 12, 2015

NOT all of my heart…..never ALL of my heart….

~Tracy Frederick 

I can't say it...not ALL of my heart...I just can't do it.

I believe that my Father saw my weaknesses and provided a husband that I was probably too stupid to find on my own. I really believe that. My husband has always been more patient, kind, unselfish, humble, has looked out for my good over his own, has never kept score of my faults and has always, always sought God’s will over mine. I believe he does this because he does not love me with all of his heart, and honestly, because of that, I cannot love him with all of mine. Then, the Lord allowed us to have a child, one that we did not love with all our heart. Then our Father granted our petition for that sweet young woman and provided a godly man to lead her home, one whom she does not love with ALL of her heart and he does not love her with ALL of his...and we would have it no other way.

I realize that this can seem “controversial,” or that I just need to "lighten up." I see the posts on Facebook professing that someone is “BAE” (Before Anyone Else) or “I love my _____ with ALL of my heart" and they are cute and sweet. Then they ask me to share it if I too “love ___ with all of my heart.” But….I just can’t say it…because it isn’t true... because I don’t love them with ALL of my heart. I just can’t.

You see, if I love my husband with all of my heart, or BAE, the decisions for my life will be to make him, no matter what… if he has first/BAE/has all of my heart. So, when someone says something unkind toward my love, I might become hateful to those that they are critical to the one I gave my whole heart to. I might not seek their good because the one who has my whole heart is hurting. And what if he struggles? Or falters in the Way? If I love my husband with ALL of my heart, I may make excuses for behavior that could jeopardize his soul.

And if I love my son in law and daughter with ALL of my heart, and they are involved in an activity that makes them happy but keeps them from worshiping their God, or jeopardized their soul, wouldn’t I stay silent, or make an excuse for their happiness?….because they are my hearts whole love. What if they wanted some material thing that would mean we would compromise our contribution to the Lord’s church and the spreading of the Word to provide it? If I loved them with ALL of my heart, I might compromise the work of the church; the spreading of the kingdom, for their heart’s desire. That is, if I love them with my WHOLE heart.

Well, I hope that you understand what I mean by now. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, especially when I see us, who profess Christ, choosing to support their earthly family over their God because they love them with ALL of their heart. So, I have been meditating on who has my WHOLE heart- BAE/ALL of it….you get it…. I realize that there have been times in my life in which I am ashamed to say that I gave my heart away to someone else-my husband, daughter, son in law, or other “family.” I am ashamed that I let them down and didn’t love them as I should have. So, I see the posts on Facebook professing love for [family] with ALL of their heart, and it is sweet, it really is....But, I just can’t share it, or say it because I know that they need something better from me than my whole heart. I am more loving, kind and thoughtful to their needs because they do NOT have my whole heart. I just can’t say it and I pray that they do NOT love me with ALL of their heart. I hope that they can’t…..because their WHOLE heart should belong to someone more important than me…or…a husband…wife…mother….brother… sister….or child.

Deuteronomy 6:5: Love the LORD your God with ALL your heart and with ALLyour soul and with ALL your strength.

Luke 10:27: And he answering said, You shall love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, and with ALL your soul, and with ALL your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.

Psalm 119:2: Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with ALL their heart

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